Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Finding Adopted Sister *The Sister I Never Knew*

I just recently started watching a show called "Teen Mom".  I had a child at a young age (not necessarily a teen but at age 20- so relatively young) so I really liked the show.  It shows the struggle of young mothers.  The one story with Catelyn and Tyler (they gave their baby up for adoption) and the show focuses how they struggle with the decision they made.  It makes me think of the adoption story in my own life. 

On February 8, 2008, I found out that I had a sister.  The sister I never knew.  We share the same father (our father never knew she existed either).  My only brother was murdered back in 1988.  I was 11, he was 15.  I grew up very lonely as an only child in a bad childhood.

Before I tell my own story, I want to tell why the Catelyn and Tyler story intrigues me.  When I first found out about Angela (my sister), I spent a good many months coping with so many emotions (from being overwhelmed, happy, angry, jealous but mostly overcome by joy)  I was so angry at her birth mother for depriving me of her and her of me for so the first 31 years of my life  (Note:  I am 33 now as I am typing this and she is 40)  I was 31 and she was 38 when we met.  The more I think about it as life goes on, Angela grew up with very loving parents in a stable home (complete opposite of me).  I wouldn't wish my childhood on anyone.  Here is my story of me finding my adopted sister  (well, her actually finding me)  The sister I never knew:

It was Tuesday, February 8, 2008, I just got home from taking my daughter (who was 9 at that time) to karate class.  We got home and I was taking my soup off of the stove.  The phone was ringing and my daughter told me the name that appeared on caller ID (for privacy reasons, not going to say name).  I usually never answer phone calls that I don't know who it is but for some reason, I told her to go ahead and answer it  (I was actually thinking it could have been the Purple Heart lady and I had some things I wanted to donate)  My daughter gives me the phone.  When I get on the phone, she tells me her name and tells me that I am going to think her call was weird  LOL.  She asked me if I was any relation to a Larry or Lawrence, so I told her that I had a brother named Larry but he died in 1988 and a father named Larry.  She proceeds to tell me that the Larry she was looking for would have lived on Kenwood Avenue back in the late 1960's and early 1970's and he married in the early 1970's. and that he would be around 57 or 58 years old right now.  I tell her that my dad is 57 and he lived in that particular neighborhood.  She than told me that she was adopted at birth and she was searching for her birth father and she believed that this man (my father) was her birth father.  I didn't know what to say so there was an uncomfortable silence than she said something that brought back an old, hidden memory of mine.  She said "I have a brother who is a year older than me, he was named after my father but he's not my father's son".  I really didn't know what to say to that.  Immediately, an old memory came back to me.  As I said earlier, I had a brother who was murdered in 1988.  He was in the 9th grade when he was killed.  Later that year, my mom and I got a copy of his yearbook and we were looking through it.  There was another boy in the school (same exact name as my brother)  who was in the 12th grade.  My mom saw his picture, he was on the wrestling team and she told me that before her and my dad got together, my dad was with a girl who was pregnant when my dad and her got together.  She had a baby and she named him after my father but he wasn't my father's son.  My dad got together with her when she was already 4 months pregnant and took her and the baby in and she named him after my father but he wasn't his son and my mom was just wondering if the boy in the 12th grade was that boy.
Note: My dad and that woman split up when the boy was 5 months old.  My dad caught her cheating with another guy and went crazy and tried to stab the guy.  My dad got locked up and spent 6 months in jail than went back to Georgia (his hometown) after he got out.  The woman was a few months pregnant (with my sister) at this time but neither her nor my dad knew).  She had the baby while my dad was in jail and gave the baby up for adoption.  My father never knew.  He heard a rumor when he got out of jail and he went and confronted her (at this time, she wasn't pregnant anymore and already gave the baby up)  She denied it, said she wasn't pregnant and told him she never wanted to see him again  She was only 16 at that time and already had the baby boy and her parents made her give the baby up.  (Note: they ended up raising her son) 
They never seen each other again.  Angela was adopted and grew up in a great home.
My parents got together not long after that.  They had 2 children together (me and my brother). My father- a violent drinker and drugger made life hell.  My mom (sweet but grew up in her own dysfunctional home and was weak)  Never felt love, was never told she was loved
My parents divorced in 1986, my mom got cancer and lost her breast in 1997 and my brother was murdered in 1988.  My mom went through years of counseling.  Note:  Who wouldn't after that??  I was practically raised by a drag queen (Rest his soul-  He died in 1994 of AIDs- he was the greatest person I ever knew)  If it wasn't for him, I would have dropped out of school etc but he kept me on track.

So to get back on track about finding my adopted sister, she goes on to tell me her whole story about her adoptive parents passing way and her having no other family and she found her birth mother a year prior.  The birth mother (who also has her own psychotic issues) lied to her and told her that birth father was dead.  He was greek man and died.  She showed her pictures etc of a man (not our father) but Angela couldn't feel.  She just knew that it didnt' feel right.  She could see no resemblance between herself and this man.  A few months later, she met her mother's brother (her birth uncle)  A great christian man.  After the birth mother left town, (she was visiting from another state)  He told Angela that man wasn't her father and gave her the name of her real birth father.  (my dad)  Upon her search, she found me.  Luckily, I hadn't married yet so my last name never changed.  she just started calling all the people with that last name in our state.  (Note; Our father now lives in Florida so she wouldn't have found him here where we live)

I was just in shock.  I tell her that I need to put my daughter to bed and could I call her back once I found out more information.  I try to call my dad.  Can't get him on the phone or his cell (Note:  He is very messed up emotionally from the years of drinking and drugs)  I didn't even know if he would remember anyhow. I call my mom and tell her about the call.  She tells me that my dad did date that woman before her.  I finally get in touch with my dad and he remembered her very clearly and tells me the story of how he went to jail etc. 

I was simply overcome with joy.  I always wanted a sister.  I put my daughter to bed and called her back.  We were so much alike.  We live less than 10 minutes from each other.  We are both loan processors who have both worked for small banks for 15 years.  Our adult lives mirrored each other.  We were so much alike, it was crazy.  We both have little blonde headed daughters.  (1 each)  They look alike, act alike (though 5 years apart)

So her and I planned to meet that Friday  (just her and I)   We met at Carrabas-  I brought some pictures of our dad etc.  There was about 5 minutes of awkward silence that particular day than 7 straight hours of non stop talk.

We have been the best of friends since.  (Note:  My dad and her had DNA tests done)  It came back 99.99% that he was her father. 

and that is my story of finding the sister I never knew.

To read more about my life before finding my sister and my own journey to inner peace-  Check out my blog (or as I call it, my journey to live my unlived life)

As I have recently posted on my blog (the one posted above)  My whole life could be one big reality TV show  LOL..  I couldn't even make this stuff up if I tried.  The only difference is that it is real, I am not rich and not getting paid for sharing it   LOL

Blogging is basically free therapy for me.  so don't laugh at me   (You can laugh, just laugh with me)

If you just want to laugh, check out my funny facebook status update blog

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